Neither at rest
by GreenGreyBlack
Summary: He regrets that even now, they are neither at rest.They never were, never will be. R


_**Neither at rest**_

_She decided they should part their ways, as though they had been an item in the first place._

_They will no longer share missions, or share anything._

_She decided she has had enough of the children's games as she puts it._

_He decided he has had enough of the illusion that she might change, that she might yield, yet he had to admit he wished they had gone down an alternative path._

_What a fool he is to think there was a different path, they were assassins for god's sake, what kind of a happy ending they could have had._

_He just laments the amount of time he held onto the hope that their partnership might flourish into something more, the amount of time they had hurt each other, the amount of time she taunted him for being distracted by her in missions, the amount of time he called her an ice berg, the amount of time she had made him weak , all this comes crashing down, all of their fights, all of their every thing, every time they've bruised and battered each other, each time they took their agony onto each other, each time they tried to find happiness into each other, yet how can you find happiness in a screwed up dripping red world like theirs? how can you find happiness when you just dig into wounds? They found pain instead and they drained it like weed becoming more addicted to it than ever, more masochistic. _

_Not everything we want we get, so why get too attached to such a lost cause as love or friendship, comfort or happiness?_

_He regrets the fact that even now, they are neither at rest. They never were, and never will be._

_Back before they met, they could numb practically everything and anything with work, alcohol, every hideous thing that a human can fall into, now they can't._

_However, in all cases, they will survive, he will survive._

* * *

_She knows he got to her, she knows he became her one and only vulnerability and Black widow doesn't have one._

_She doesn't know if she should thank Loki or kill him for pointing out the obvious to her._

_It all came swirling down after he came._

_She waited a while before telling him of her decision; he was beating himself up bad for what happened under Loki's mind control._

_However, she saw it is the best if they part their ways now, despite the look in his eyes._

_It still haunted her, the look of someone who had been slaughtered all of a sudden by a blunt knife._

_Damn, it seems like she will never forget it._

_He didn't say much, all he said is that he was alright with it, she was black widow after. _

* * *

_She is paired up with Steve and Thor._

_Tony and Bruce go off together._

_He goes off alone._

_He does his job as efficient as possible, no more distractions._

_She does well as usual._

* * *

"_Loki escaped" reported Thor_

* * *

_All Loki could do was sit and laugh at how naïve his mewling quim and her partner were._

_He knew in order to pull out a successful raid/invasion, he should divide and conquer, especially those two._

_He felt his pride shatter quite a bit, when she managed to outwit him, when she managed to deprive him of a valuable minion such as agent Barton._

_Mission accomplished._

* * *

_This time, he couldn't take over Agent Barton, so he resorted to the other solution._

_This time, Natasha was beaten up pretty bad._

* * *

_They sat in hospital, waiting for her to wake up, burdened by how to break out the news to her._

_Stark assumes the hard mission._

* * *

_When she woke up, she asked instinctively for him, where he was._

_They didn't reply._

_Thor left the room, Bruce and Steve teared up._

"_He is gone" Tony managed to choke out with the utmost amount of restraint he could muster._

_She shudderred and jerked in shock, pulling out every wire and harness tying her in the hospital bed._

_They tried to restrain her, to hold her down, yet she evaded them all and rushed around the hospital like crazy, with no aim looking for Clint._

_She found him in the morgue._

_His skull, cracked up, his face covered with blood, his jaw clenched, eyes wide and dark sign of the agony he has been through, sign of his death._

_She collapsed, right beside him._

* * *

"_How is she holding up?" asked fury._

"_Still the same, going catatonic" answered the doctor._

* * *

_She sat down quietly, eyes wandering in their direction; they enter the ward to check up on their teammate, all grief stricken by how she hit rock bottom, all taken aback by how broken the formerly tough black widow was._

"_Hey, Natasha"_

"_Hey"_

_They try to get her to talk, open up, say anything._

_She doesn't say past hello and how is Pepper._

_Then she retreats and curls onto herself._

* * *

_Once she asked Tony to fetch her any pictures of him_

"_Why?"_

"_I want to see his eyes; I want to remember how he looked in happier times"_

_Only two images of him were stuck in her mind: the image of when they broke off their partner ship, with the look of slaughtered in his eyes._

_And the image of him sprawled in the morgue with the look of terror in his eyes._

* * *

_They visit her one time, during which she was on rampage._

_Tearing at her hair, cutting at her self, shouting that she was a murder, that she murdered Clint._

_Then she collapsed on the floor, sobbing that he rendered her for dead as well._


End file.
